Self Portrait

I'm pretty bad at being okay
Okay with myself
Who I am, and who I strive to be
I have a hard time dealing with
Who I was, or what I did
Who I hurt, who I let down
I am me
Insecure
Depressed
Lonely
Scared to hold people close
I only let go, because no one gets me
No one cares to stay
In the end they are..
They are happy I let go
Happy that i dropped a lit match on our connection
It was never really a connection to begin with
It was me taking
Them giving
It was me being too much of a coward to give in
To let them have me
I'd rather not be okay than to be happy
I could have been happy
I could be happy
But I let go

Mangos

I speak, but it's all too late
Too little, or too much
You are vague, like overcast days
Empty, or not enough
I'm holding on as if it helps
Your warmth, my touch
My words are all I've got to myself
You're fine, I'm drunk
I'm sleepless, frustrated, and past exhaustion
I'm an asshole, you're a lush
I waited up for you to give in
So in vain I freely spill my guts

Sheets

I taste your skin on my tongue
My pulse echoing in my head
Crazed
Crazed by your touch
If this is wrong
Well at least it feels right
If you hurt
Well my temper got the best of me
Over encumbered by the scent of sex
Bite marks and arrogance
Forgive me
I know no cure for these urges
Only this
Only moments
Moments of instinct, lust, and pride
Moments of control
Scenes of my body filling yours
You bracing against the wall
Our souls intertwined
Do you remember this?
When we were real
Not these apparitions of our former selves
Two kids needing someone
Two kids embracing life's pain
Two kids..
Me
You

P.O.S.

Red eyes and a need for sleep
Did you forget what you said
You'll never love anyone more
The words that you dread
A heart with a melancholy disposition
You know it's true
Look at me and you
This is our love's composition
Melodies play through my head
You have nothing more to say
So I write what I had left instead
Look at where we stand now
You still standing here with your arms out
You built me up
Just to spill my guts
Like some child with soap in their mouth
Red eyes and a need for sleep
I know over time you move on
How I wish it wasn't true
Your memory is the one I rest upon
Because I feel like no one if I don't have you

Man's Best Friend

Your companionship is missed
The nights you helped me cope
Scratched you when you itched
Cringing when you licked my toes
A good friend
A best friend
We part ways for better days
I hope he gives you more time
More love
Than I ever could
The nights you laid next to me
Knowing better than I
I was not alright
Merely to help me sleep
You miss her
I know
I could hear it on your voice
The way you whined
The way you growled
The look in your eyes
I loved y'all
I let ya'll go
I took the fall
Left alone
Good bye